Kneazle's Arse
by Harmonykat
Summary: A multichapter story of the week and a half leading up to Lily and James's wedding.


**Disclaimer: I own absolutely none of this. **

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to my family, who put up with the dulcet tones of the Overture to _Der Freishütz, _Ravel's _Bolero_, and a smattering of Led Zepplin and Pink Floyd leaking out of my crappy headphones, accompanied charmingly by my incessant typing.**

Kneazle's Arse

By Katharine Ayn Sintonia

Chapter the First

Remus Lupin was sitting by himself in the Leaky Cauldron on a late summer afternoon enjoying a glass of brandy in relative peace. The pub was fairly empty, a direct result of the long fight against Lord Voldemort. Remus frowned, thinking about the war he'd only just begun to fight. In the two months since they'd left school, he and his closest friends had all joined the Order of the Phoenix, headed by the greatest wizard he'd ever known, Albus Dumbledore. It had been a dark two months, and the eighteen year old Remus had already found himself fighting for his life with all too little margin.

Yet despite the dark times, there had been occasions for joy. The week after they'd left Hogwarts, fellow year-mates Alice Nichols and Frank Longbottom had gotten married in a spectacular though private celebration that had left several members of the Order exhausted for several nights afterward. Now the Order found itself floundering in preparation for a wedding that promised to be even more spectacular than the last—Lily Evans and James Potter.

Remus glanced down at his watch. Sirius and Peter were supposed to meet him here at five o'clock to discuss the final details of the stag party planned for the next Tuesday. "Dirty buggers are late," he muttered under his breath, taking a slow sip of his brandy.

"Remus!"

The young man groaned. "Hello, James. How are you holding up?"

The solemn-faced James Potter stood with several large bags filled with fabric. "Well enough. I've been shopping for the wedding."

Remus bit back a sarcastic comment and asked politely, "Well, what have you bought for us, then?"

James held up a bit of burgundy fabric. "I bought red waistcoats for the groomsmen and silver cravats. My waistcoat'll be silver with a red cravat."

Remus nodded wearily. "James, you told me that last night when you floo'd over at half past eleven." He gestured warily at the other bags. "What're in those?"

James shrugged. "Molly Weasley asked me to buy her a few things while I was in town. It was the least I could do, as she's pro—"

"Promised to cater the whole damn thing, I know," Remus muttered.

James sat down opposite Remus, snatched the brandy, and took a sip. "Lovely stuff, Moony."

Remus sighed. "Please tell me that you'll actually relax before your stag party on Tuesday. I mean, you _must_ enjoy the night—it's too bloody fitting for your last mental fling as a bachelor to be called a stag night. Speaking of which, are you and the lads coming out to Hogsmeade with me on Friday as a kind of _adieu_ to our Shack adventures? It's the full moon then."

James nodded. "It's a bloody miracle I actually managed to take care of as many of the details as I have to be able to spend time with you lot for the full moon _and_ the stag party. I'll meet you in the Shack at half past seven in two days." He sighed and pulled two roses out of one of his bags, studying them carefully.

Remus bit back a bout of laughter as he watched his mate spin the two flowers between his fingers. "Er…Prongs? Either you've discovered an unfounded interest in botany, or there are things you haven't told any of us."

James looked rather put out. "Lily wasn't in when Alice called asking if either of us had remembered to get flowers to put along the aisles. I didn't want to give her any additional bridal stress, so I'm taking care of it. Lily and I decided a while ago that our colours for the wedding will be white, silver, and burgundy, so I got a white rose and a red rose to try and decide. What d'you think?" He looked at Remus as though expecting a decent response.

Once again, Remus tried very hard not to laugh. "James…" He snickered a bit and regained his composure. "James, to be completely honest with you, I don't give a kneazle's flea-bitten _arse_ what colour the bloody flowers are. Ask Lily if you think it's so sodding important!" He tried to glare at James only to start laughing.

His glare behind his glasses was truly spectacular. "Bastard. I don't want to cause Lily any stress right now."

"'Frailty, thy name is woman,'" Remus muttered. "You're so bloody provincial sometimes, mate. Remember Lily's personality? She burnt every single one of her bras on the castle lawn in fifth year when she fancied herself a feminist. She's not going to object to getting her fair share of the pre-wedding stress."

James, however, was relishing the memory of Lily's feminist phase. "Merlin…I'll never forget that winter. Remember how cold it was outside?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Get your mind out of the gutter. Besides," he added sarcastically, "don't you have wedding details to be attending to?"

"Shit, you're right." James stood, picked up his massive pile of bags and disapparated.

Remus heaved an enormous sigh of relief, draining the last of his brandy. "Tom!" he called out to the barman. "Could I get another brandy?" While his drink was being brought out to him, Remus massaged his temples, looking back down at his watch. He handed a few sickles to Tom and took a large drink of the brandy. "Cor, I need to relax before Friday," he muttered to himself, musing quietly over what he felt would be their last full moon as the true Marauders. After this month, James would have Lily.

Remus held no delusions about the future. He was certain that James's obligations to Lily would keep him from apparating to the Shrieking Shack every full moon. _As well they should,_ he thought to himself. _I'd be a fool to think that _I _took any sort of precedence over the woman he's loved since he was eleven._ He took another sip, almost spitting it across the table when he heard Sirius Black shout loudly across the room.

"So have you booked the strippers yet?"

Remus groaned and looked up from his second brandy to see Sirius Black beaming at him. "No, I have not. If we're going to have strippers at Prongs's stag party, then _you're_ going to book them, as _you're_ the best man." He glared at the grinning young man.

"Oh, lighten up, Moony!" Peter said cheerfully, plopping down next to him and swigging from his butterbeer.

Sirius too sat, grinning at Remus. "Relax, mate. I've already hired and paid 'em. Tuesday night will never be forgotten by the Marauders—our fond _adieu_ to Prongs's bachelor life."

The weary looking young man raised an eyebrow. "_Them?_ How many strippers did you hire? Pray, tell you haven't gotten carried away," he said in a long-suffering air.

Sirius glanced over at Peter and grinned. "Three. We figured you wouldn't want one, being the miserably 'moral' sod you are."

Remus went very quiet and glared at the other two over his brandy. He took a large sip and changed the subject. "So is James being ridiculously anal with you about the wedding as well? I thought he'd have my head when I told him I didn't give a kneazle's arse whether the flowers along the rows are red or white."

With a spectacular groan, the handsome Sirius threw his head into his arms dramatically. "I always thought it was the _bride_ that was supposed to be mental before the wedding. _I've _been getting pelted with owls about whether or not he should seat the McKinnon family with Mad-Eye again or with Benjy, or worse, he'll floo over in the middle of the night to make me try on my dress robes. I suspect I may murder him in his sleep."

"Being best man isn't as easy as it sounds?" Remus asked heartlessly. "Good. You could use some actual stress in your life."

Peter giggled and Sirius looked over at the smirking man. "Moony, it desolates me to know that you don't care about my high blood pressure." He pressed a hand to his chest and said quietly. "I shall die of a heart attack for sure!"

"Come off it." He cleared his throat. "So the stag party's at your flat on Tuesday night, right?"

Sirius nodded with a lecherous grin. "Merlin, I can't wait to see those women." He hummed something quietly and spoke again. "So, mate, you ready to be the responsible one at the party? I suppose if you too get completely smashed you can share my stripper, but you're too _proper_ for that."

Once again, Peter giggled and Remus glared at Sirius. He glanced to the side and said _sotto voce_, "Get four, Pads."

Sirius grinned triumphantly. "I _knew_ it! _Merlin_, I'm glad I bought half the bar at the Hog's Head for the occasion. You, Remus, are finally getting utterly trashed Tuesday night!"

He snorted. "Bullocks. I shall do no such thing. You just said I was the responsible one. Just because I was the prefect doesn't mean that I don't enjoy a harlot as much as the rest of you." He smiled sheepishly and changed the subject again. "Oh, and don't forget—we're meeting in the Shack at half past seven on Friday evening for the full moon. Who knows—this may be the last time James joins us."

Peter laughed at that. "Come off it, Moony. James'll never let you down for a full moon."

Remus couldn't help but smile at Peter's unfailing devotion to James, but he shrugged carelessly. "He's going to be _married_, Wormtail. He can't just leave Lily once a month to run 'round with us."

Sirius looked disconcerted. "I don't know, Moony. Some lads go bowling, some go gambling…Prongs can go running about with illegal animagi—being one himself—and a werewolf. It's certainly cheaper than bowling or gambling. He can choose his vice."

Peter looked curiously at the grinning Sirius. "His _vice_? You're limiting James to one while you…"

"Drink, drive a flying motorcycle, run 'round as an illegal animagus with a werewolf, get tattoos, go to drugged out muggle concerts—" Remus was cut off from the list he was ticking off on his fingers.

"Hey!" Sirius interjected. "I happen to _like_ Floyd and Emerson, Lake, and Palmer. It's not _my_ fault most of the muggles at the concerts have an unnatural fondness for cannabis. Nasty stuff."

Remus nodded and finished his brandy. "Well, lads, I must be off. I promised Albus I'd visit him at the school for a bit before Friday night. I'll see you there, then?"

The other two nodded. "Half past seven?" Peter asked, scribbling the time on his hand.

Remus nodded. "Half past." With a crack, he disapparated.


End file.
